Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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