I smell stomach acid.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
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