He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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