$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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