My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
