shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
