she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
