Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
