the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
