4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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