she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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