I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
