I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
