he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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