and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Be still, my beating vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
