we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
