I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
