You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
