so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
