Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
