opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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