where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
