They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
