i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
