I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
