I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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