I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
