Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
