i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
