last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
