How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
