I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I die, sorry about rent.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
