We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
