I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
