dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
