Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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