Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
