I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
