3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
