I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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