She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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