Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we're making bets on your personal life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
