are you still at the devil's house?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
