oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
