My sheets look like a crime scene.
Jerry, you need to find god
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
