I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
