some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
