oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
