he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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