A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
