soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
