I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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