I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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