i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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