holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
